The Cacophonous World of Professor Whimsey

Thursday, Two PM

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 27 May 2012 23:07:00 +0000

Sounds to Confuse Your Dog #2

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 18:12:00 +0000

Sounds To Confuse Your Dog #2 by Victor Lams

Dead Trek Relatives

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 01:19:00 +0000

As threatened, here is my latest track. The theme was provided by a friend as the track was commissioned to be a site theme song (more on that later).

Dead Trek Relatives by Victor Lams

Ye Olde Faire Knights

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 00:09:00 +0000

Just learning my way around a new library (Garritan's World Instruments), I did this in half an hour this morning. Because, you never know when you'll need a full recorder ensemble!

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Ye_Olde_Faire_Knights.mp3

Don't Be Afraid

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 22:34:00 +0000

I'm still on my archive.org old 1950s educational film short kick. Here's a new song inspired by one of the films, along with the film re-edited as a music video. The original film meant to teach kids not to be afraid, but seriously -- what kind of lesson is that to be teaching our kids nowadays?

And here is just the music:

Victor Lams - "Don't Be Afraid"

Repetitive Robot Music

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 23:55:00 +0000

This isn't a real song, just me messing around for an hour or so with some synths and a new channelstrip plugin (TeamDNR's Mixcontrol). If you like repetitive robot music, then you might enjoy this.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Repetitive_Robot_Music.mp3

Pater Noster (Latin for Kids!)

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 22:08:00 +0000

There's never been an easier way to learn the "Pater Noster"!

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I had this idea, because shoehorning plainsong into one of the most rigid forms of music around was probably not the best idea in the world, but I thought it'd be fun to hear once I'd made it. And I'm pleased with the results.

Also -- here is the audio file so you can download it for your iPods:

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Pater_Noster.mp3

I'd Hit That

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:53:00 +0000

Here is a delightful instrumental / percussion amuse-bouche to whet your palate. Nothing too profound here, just playing around with various percussional timbres, whence the title.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Id_Hit_That.mp3

Testing, testing. One, two. One, two.

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:10:00 +0000

Just migrating the ol' podcast. New music will be arriving shortly!

What's this? A webcomic?

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Wed, 20 May 2009 16:31:00 +0000

Sorry about the lack of new music these past two months. I've been focusing on learning how to draw comics, and you can see my first self-directed learning project here: "Ulysses The Undead".

I'll start up music-making soon, though, I promise.

Off the Grid

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 23:48:00 +0000

No synths this time (a first for me)! Used only the instruments pictured above (plus my voice and our kitchen wok-lid as a gong, not pictured): ashiko hand-drum (djembe like), kosika shaker, tambourine, box drum, mbira/kalimba, bamboo saxophone, and some weird bamboo/reed whistle. I used ample instances of Celemony Melodine to keep everything in tune (and repitch a few notes), and looped some of the parts a bit (and the 4-on-the-floor "kick" is the ashiko pitched down roughly 5 semitones). Most were recorded with an SM58, my voice with my CAD-M177. The reverb is a cave impulse in Cakewalk Perfect Space.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Off_the_Grid.mp3

Popcicle Man

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 04:05:00 +0000

If you're offended by this, you're not wrong.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Popcicle_Man.mp3

General Dynamics

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 02:09:00 +0000

I realized this past weekend that I hadn't done a two-minute rock opera yet about a mechanical engineer who steals a tank. So I fixed that (there's a General Dynamcs tank plant near Detroit that we used to drive past whenever we'd visit our grandparents, so that's the Michigan connection).

This features Alchemy, Minimonsta, Jamcussion, SonikSynth 2, and a backwards guitar chord (that I played all by myself!).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_General_Dynamics.mp3

Lyric:
He's thinking about getting the band back together
But he knows there never really was a band
He found a funny video he'd like to show his son
But he won't see him until next weekend.
And it's too early to get excited about going home
According to the 20-year clock up on the shelf
Not that there's anything to get excited about
And these brackets won't design themeselves.

General Dynamics
You can't be quiet, you can't be loud
General Dynamics
Don't deny it, stand out from the crowd
Because when you look back at all your time
and find that from it all you shrank
That's the time to break out of line
And steal yourself a tank.

Maybe it was a problem with AutoCAD
Maybe just missing the life he'd never had,
After years of being nothing he just wanted to be bad,
And that night he was working late.
He had a friend in the guard at the shack
They'd gone to school together many years back
And so just by faking a heart attack
He subdued him and made it through the factory gate.

Fire that bad boy up
M-1-A
Slam that hatch door shut
They'll finally listen, today.

General Dynamics
Quiet time is over now
General Dynamics
Never liked this fac'try anyhow
Like Hell! the Earth belongs to the weak
Or to those whom it destroys
Maybe they'll listen when you speak
If your tank backs it up with noise.

None of this was really necessary
Could have avoided the run-in with the military
And the Page One obituary
With a little general dynamics.

Egg Farm

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 01:08:00 +0000

Here's my attempt to do an old-school-style baby-maker (extended slow jam) in an age of embryonic stem-cell research. I think it's one of the longest pieces I've ever done.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Egg_Farm.mp3

Conditor Alme Siderum

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:22:00 +0000

It's a traditional evening prayer chant for Advent in Latin ("Creator of the stars of night"), done here as kind of a downtempo lounge-core thing (Chantcore?). I used Sonik Synth, SampleTron, SampleMoog, ReTank loops, and Alchemy.

Consider it an early Christmas present! :-)

Lyric and English Translation

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Conditor_Alme_Siderum.mp3

"Don't speak Latin in front of the books." - Giles

Celestine

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 01:54:00 +0000

Fun with some new loops, mercifully short.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Celestine.mp3

God Blessed The States

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 23:53:00 +0000

I'm going to post some odds and ends from this year, things I haven't posted yet. Starting with this one from February's KVR contest. We had to do a cover of a tune written by another KVRian, in this case, S.HUSH, who is a hilarious songwriter. I used an effect on my voice (CloneEnsmble), multitracked 8 times, with some ambient crowd noise, and a marching band beat I did in Battery 3... it's weird, but maybe convincing in its execution. In case you're curious, the original was a Mellencamp-esque rock tune.

http://www.victorlams.com/kvr-vst/0802_DrAX_God_Blessed_The_States.mp3

Spreading The Wealth Around

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:17:00 +0000

A little anti-redistributionalist Calypso for you! I play the ukulele on it. Enjoy!

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Spreading_The_Wealth_Around.mp3

Compromised

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:42:00 +0000

This song was written to award the top pledger for the quarterly Catholic and Enjoying It Tin Cup Rattle pledge drive, Irenaeus. The idea was that I'd write a song about whatever topic he chose. One of the options given was "How about a generic liberal pro-abortion Catholic politician (a la Pelosi, Biden, Sebelius, etc)?".

So with Joe as my inspiration, I cranked out this piece, by far my loudest yet (and the first to feature my actual guitar playing all the way through).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Compromised.mp3

Approximate lyric:

Compromised,
I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

I was born with a clear and distinct idea,
Between what was wrong and what was right.
From Augustus and Aquinas and then brought down to me:
The Truth was taught impermutably.

Before I Compromised,
I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

I became a lawyer and then a senator,
I took my position very seriously,
Faithfully represented those who'd elected me,
But all that changed in 1973

That's when it soon became apparent,
That the winds of change were blowing,
Privacy became the mandate,
Basic human rights forgoing,

Personhood now redefined
We had a simple choice to make
We chose to change our party line
and I my principles forsake

Protect the innocent the weakest of the weak
Fight for the poor the huddled, disenfranchised
Were words I lived by but now I defied
Turns out it's easy when you've got money on your side.

Actions without responsibility
or consequences gives you a free ride
Why defend the defenseless when it's so
much easier to live with yourself after you've

Compromised,
Like I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

One consequence of my decision
Is the matter of my religion
I sound like I'm some kind of nut
When I say "I'm personally opposed, but"

When you've speaking on the stumps
turns out that's good enough for chumps
And for thirty years it was sufficient
To shut up Cardinals and Bishops.

But now things seem to be changing again
Can't get away with what I did then
God forbid I need a defense
When I can no longer claim ignorance

It gets harder to be a politician
When you're at odds with your tradition
And when I'm denied my final prize
At least I'll know it's because I
...
Compromised.

I Want A Pen

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:57:00 +0000

Playing around with some new effects today, needed a vocal line, so got our six-year-old son in front of the microphone and said "Come on, then! Sing something!"

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Xander_Lams_-_I_Want_A_Pen.mp3

He did a fine job!

Comments Closed

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 00:53:00 +0000

Nothing is more depressing than reading an inciteful blog or forum post, having the perfect reply, and then being denied because either the poster has closed comments for that post or because you've previously been banned (for being right, usually).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Comments_Closed.mp3

Might not want to listen to this with the kids around as it contains a phrase which contains a word some may consider objectionable.

Shill

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:53:00 +0000

It's new music! Inspired by current events! It's longer than 2 minutes!

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Shill.mp3

Shill
(Words and Music by Victor Lams)

You say that you are hopeful because the winds of change are blowing,
And you think is a good thing 'cause you don't like how things are going.
But change taken by itself is both a blessing and a curse,
Sometimes it makes things better, but more often makes them worse.

It's appealing, so seductive, easy to get caught up in it,
But before you do something stupid maybe you should wait a minute.
Take a moment, take a breather, and when you do, think through it:
Change doesn't happen by itself it takes some one to do it.

Someone has to write the speeches,
Then the politician preaches,
To those whom make sure that it reaches,
Seems like common sense it teaches:

"Are we for change? Yes we can!
Just don't ask us about our plan.
It's all to nothing apropos,
Just gotta upset that status quo!"

Now there's no easy way to say this, it appears that you've been smitten,
There are phone calls to be made and many emails to be written,
Your family might not trust us and your friends, they are all haters,
But don't worry because one day we'll be proud to call them traitors.

Now deep inside your mind you might hear a tiny voice,
This is only normal: your conscience is a choice.
But your morals must be sacrificed so we can get elected,
Media prophecies fulfilled, and history corrected.

And if people are unwilling,
To our Audacious Hope fulfilling,
You'll find that some blood needs spilling,
Truth be told we'll make a killing!

Before you know it you've bought the line,
Seems so obvious it must be a sign:
Change we can believe in, still,
Too bad you've just become our...

Shill!
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Thank you for your help, as we said you've been quite useful,
Now it's our turn to confess that we maybe haven't been quite truthful,
There's no way we could provide all that stuff that you've been promised,
Better luck, live and learn: you can't cheat someone who's honest.

We're the ones we've been waiting for to,
Bring about our new world order,
Looks pretty much the same now though,
Except it's us stealing the show.

Turns out I wasn't the Messiah,
Not Apollo, Zeus, or Gaia,
Only one thing really was true,
We all really needed you to...

Shill! for us
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Shill!
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Pop Corn

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 02:07:00 +0000

Dr. Apostrophe X and The Kornhole Krew present:

"Pop Corn"

http://www.victorlams.com/kvr-vst/0808-DrAX-Pop_Co rn.mp3

It's "Moog-hop"!

Used: Nusofting Broken Drum Machine, Battery 3, Sample Moog, Oligarc

Lyric:
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

My name's DJ Endosperm and I'm on a bike,
Riding through your stomach 'cuz I don't like to hike,
I'm filled with starch and fiber, too,
And compared to greasy chips I'm very good for you.
But I'm not like my unpopped kin,
I don't come out looking like I went in.
When you're watching TV I'm the perfect snack,
So come on over and grab a hold of my sack.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

I'm the Kernel MC and I refuse to pop,
Popping is for losers and for crooked cops.
People say I just need a little more heat,
Maybe, like your momma needs more stinky feet.
Yeah, I don't make kids smile, I only make them frown.
Try to bite on me and I'll break your crown.
You want some food, eat some chicken coated in penko,
'Cuz I'm Bob Barker and you just lost at Plinko.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

They call me Little Orvie short for RedenbachURR.
You might think I'm dead, but I'm still hURR.
I'm over 100 years old but I'm rockin' the nation,
Kept alive in suspended animation.
ConAgra thaws me out once every few yURRS,
When they need to pitch popcorn to consumURRS.
People try to drown me but I don't show signs of stopping,
Because my gourmet corn is the best for popping.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

New Album Out Today!?

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:46:00 +0000

Well, I thought it would take a few more weeks, but apparently three days is all it takes for Amazon MP3 and Lala to post your new album on their websites for listening (LaLa gives you the first listen for free) and purchase. iTunes, Rhapsody, and eMusic, it seems take a bit longer.

So, yeah: phreakbox v1.4: The Instrumentals is out today!!!!

Expect a full page for the album soon, including a link to purchase a physical CD copy of the product (once I approve it). But in the meantime if you want to get your (mostly) mellow electronic jazz downtempo loungecore chiptune worldbeat groove on, head over to the album on Amazon MP3 or Lala and give it a listen (and if you like it, download a track or two or the whole album). It's very chill.

Also, while at Amazon MP3 or Lala (and soon iTunes and Rhapsody) you may notice another single I've recently released, "The Flying House of Loreto".

This is a track I did a little while back which has become very popular on the net (to date this year, it's been downloaded over 16,000 times from my website). If you like, give it a listen and a download too. It may just give you the inspiration you need to do whatever it is you need to do today (heck, I mean, if a house can fly anything is pretty much possible). Jackie did the cover design for the single, incorporating one of her recent fiber art pieces... I've gotten a lot of good feedback on that.

And, as always, if you haven't gotten your daily dose of Robot Love recently, you can download my first CD on iTunes, Rhapsody, Amazon MP3 and a number of other places around the net.

Requiem for an SMS

noreply@blogger.com (victor) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:12:00 +0000

Here's another from our poking-around-on-my-harddrive file, a requiem for the Sega Master System.

NOTE: This song is now available on the new "Phreakbox v1.4: The Instrumentals" album (as "Game Over"), available for download from Amazon MP3, Lala.com, and available soon from iTunes and Rhapsody and on Audio CD.